He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize