I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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