i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
