I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
