Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
