That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
