Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
