All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drunk is not a location!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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