Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm bleeding and have questions
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
