last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
