So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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