i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
