I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
