I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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