I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was like eating out sand paper
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
