what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
