To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
not ubering you a puppy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
