zippers are such a cool invention
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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