; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
