IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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