My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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