im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
