I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
