He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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