So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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