Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
