i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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