dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
