I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
