So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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