It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
