I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
