No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
