He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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