mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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