i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
