We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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