You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
