Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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