I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
