apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
