y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
