Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize