pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
