The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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