I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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