I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
