I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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