You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I looked at my own cervix.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
