I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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