I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
