I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Less talking, more tequila
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
