Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
