i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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