Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
