On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
