Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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