I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
