Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
