I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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