i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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