So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
