haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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